just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Randomize
