i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Couch. On fire.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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