dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
