I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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