You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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