Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
