the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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