Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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