i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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