i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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