I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
