My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
