watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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