his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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