Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
