I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
