i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
