peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
