just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
