ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
