I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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