he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
