Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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Randomize
