Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
