Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I would ride that face into the sunset
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
