Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
