someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
