i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
