Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
