why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
