Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
