awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
