We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
