My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
