I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
