Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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