I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
