In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
