come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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