Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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