i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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