honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I believe in your delicious
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
