just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize