so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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