i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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