Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
