Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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