is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
