3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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