did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
