She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
