There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
