she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I pour the whiskey from now on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
