very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
