They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
