You're completely useless in the revolution.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
