dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
