Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
