the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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