considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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