I hate your face
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
