my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
