..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
