just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
whose parrot is this?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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