Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
