I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
