He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
