So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am available for nakedness
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
