chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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