Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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